Janelle Dodd
WHAT MONTH AND YEAR WAS/WERE YOUR SURROGATE BABY BORN?
March 2021
WHAT ORIGINALLY INSPIRED YOU TO LOOK INTO SURROGACY?
They say that being a surrogate is a calling. It definitely is! I've known since I was a teenager that I wanted to carry a child for someone else but never thought anyone would want ME of all people to carry their child. After all, surrogates are amazing women. How could I possibly join their club? I felt helpless seeing so many people struggle with infertility, until I realized that other surrogates out there are regular people like me who realized they could help change lives.
The feeling of inadequacy slowly transformed into a feeling of social responsibility. Shortly after the birth of my second child in 2018, I realized that my struggle through the long, sleepless nights with a newborn is something that many people would love to have if it meant they could have a child. Knowing how badly I wanted to have children of my own and not being able to imagine the heartbreak of having difficulty achieving my lifelong dream of motherhood made me realize that I needed to at least look into the process of becoming a surrogate.
In the same couple of days, I saw a quote that said "You were born with the ability to change someone's life. Don't ever waste it." I thought "Okay, universe. I can take a hint," and submitted an application to be a surrogate during one of my newborn's naps. I will forever be grateful that I took that leap! (...And for that nap)
WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE OR MOST MEMORABLE MOMENT DURING THIS WHOLE PROCESS?
The birth was my favorite moment, but I'll never forget the intended parents' reactions to hearing the heartbeat for the first time. There were tears of joy all around that day!
WHAT WAS THE MOST UNEXPECTED PART OF THIS PROCESS?
The insurance company we were using went out of business.
HOW WAS THE MATCHING PROCESS?
It was like a socially-distanced blind date. The agency created a profile for me based on my application and a profile for the intended parents based on theirs. After reviewing profiles, the agency thought we could be compatible and sent our profiles to each other for us to review. Since both parties agreed to meet, the agency set up a match meeting. They said that these are typically done over coffee or other in-person meetups, but ours was done virtually due to COVID-19 restrictions. It was slightly awkward at first, but once the initial anxiety wore off and the uncomfortable conversations were over, it all worked out. We ended up being a great match!
HOW WAS THE PREGNANCY AND HOW INVOLVED WERE THE INTENDED PARENTS DURING THE PREGNANCY?
Sharing the milestones with the parents was fun. Everything went smoothly with the medications, embryo transfer, appointments, and labor & delivery.
The hardest part was giving myself a hormone injection every day for almost 11 weeks. Fortunately, my wonderful mom lives nearby and helped me. The intended parents were always available if I needed anything and enjoyed the updates I would give them. Once the clinic released me to continue my appointments at my regular OB office, the intended parents were able to come to my appointments. We lived about 40 minutes from each other, and our OB office and hospital were less than 10 minutes from their house. The intended mother came to every appointment she could, and they both came to ultrasound appointments. We would chat a couple times per week and got together in person a handful of times before the baby was born. We would have done more things together if we didn't need to be careful about COVID-19 exposure. We both had at least one essential worker in our households and wanted to protect each other's families. I wanted to involve the intended parents as much as possible when they weren't able to be present. I saw it as their pregnancy, never felt like it was my baby, and often joked about being an "advanced babysitter".
HOW DID YOU TALK TO OTHER PEOPLE ABOUT THE PROCESS, LIKE YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY? EVEN STRANGERS?
I told my family and close friends that I was going to be a surrogate about a month before the embryo transfer. We are a tight-knit family, and I knew they would notice right away if anything changed with me. They were supportive, and I had been talking for years about wanting to someday be a surrogate. Some of them were initially surprised and a little worried that it would be emotionally difficult for me, but we talked through those concerns.
One of my extended family members had a baby via surrogate, so I talked to him, his wife, and their surrogate about their experience before we got started. They were wonderful and boosted my confidence. Sharing their experience with me was one of the most significant pieces of the journey, because it gave me a real example of someone I knew who had been through the process.
Since I live in a small community and worked closely with the public, I would sometimes explain to strangers that it was a surrogate pregnancy. I didn't want anyone to wonder why I didn't bring a baby home if I was going to regularly see them at work or in the community, so I explained the situation to those people. Most of them had a lot of questions and positive remarks. There were a few who didn't know what to say, and that was okay. The important thing to me was to raise awareness about the various ways to grow a family.
My mom and sister enjoyed telling one childhood friend who came to visit, "Janelle is pregnant with another man's baby...but it's also another woman's baby!" The friend reacted exactly how you would imagine they would.
HOW WAS YOUR DELIVERY AND POST-PREGNANCY?
I had a routine OB appointment scheduled for the end of the day two days prior to my due date, so I went to work and went to my appointment straight from there as planned. Earlier in the day, I had said jokingly said to my coworkers “Watch, the doctor is going to send me straight to the hospital from my appointment.” I laughed but made sure my hospital bag was in the car just in case. I had several contractions at work, but what else was new, you know? I still felt okay and was functional, so I didn’t think too much of them or notice them at all.
During the appointment, the intended mother and I chatted while we waited for the doctor to come to the exam room, and I made the joke again. The doctor did the exam, backed up against the counter with wide eyes, looked me up and down asked, “Do you have your hospital bag? I think you’re going to have a baby tonight...Let me make a phone call.” Keep in mind, there was a storm coming in and I live 40 minutes from the hospital. So he stepped out, called the hospital, and came back to tell us that they were expecting us over there.
Laughing nervously in disbelief, the intended mother and I each made a few quick phone calls and walked across the street to the hospital. We laughed about this moment, because we had each run through all of the possible scenarios for the day they were going to induce labor or if I had to come to the hospital before then, but neither one of us had thought about this one. We walked in together and giggled as we explained the situation to what felt like 10 different people as we made our way to labor and delivery. (That’s definitely an exaggeration, but it felt like a lot). It sounds stressful, but everyone was calm, so we were able to laugh about the whole thing.
After we did all of the intake paperwork and got situated, they started the medication and broke my water. We chatted and enjoyed the calm time before labor got intense. It was right around this time I thought it would be funny to send a hospital selfie to several friends and family members. I believe I even sent one to a coworker and said "WHAT DID I TELL YOU?!" That’s when my phone started blowing up. It was hilarious. I would 10 out of 10 would recommend sending cryptic messages like this.
It was hilarious until I started having painful contractions, that is. I don’t think they were bad for very long, but I do remember making fewer jokes for a while. I had wanted to try to deliver without pain medication, but I changed my mind and got an epidural, which made the whole experience better for everyone involved. One funny thing I did to distract myself during contractions was list random words that were contractions. The intended father got a pretty good kick out of that dad joke. A dad was the perfect audience for that one.
Labor progressed pretty quickly, and the whole process only took about 6 hours from the time we left the doctor's office to the time of delivery. I ended up doing about 8 pushes over a span of 5 minutes from start to finish.
Then that moment came. I looked down and saw the doctor lift up a beautiful little baby and place her in her mom’s arms as he announced “It’s a girl!” All I could see was the look of love on the parents’ faces as they held their sweet girl for the first time. Their tumultuous journey led to the addition to their family they had been dreaming about for years.
The next few hours were a whirlwind. The baby's parents held their newborn daughter and we all cried tears of joy. I held her for a while and admired her perfection. We talked and enjoyed each others company for a while longer, then the baby and her parents went to their hospital room and I moved to a recovery room. We visited each other several times during our hospital stay. It was a little weird to leave the hospital without a baby, but it wasn't bad since I had done a lot of mental preparation.
Fortunately, the recovery from this delivery was the easiest of the three I've had. I also had a great support system, for which I'm grateful. I pumped breastmilk for about 3 weeks postpartum and was able to meet my IPs' family members when I would drop off milk. The intended mother sent me plenty of pictures and regularly checked in on me.
WHAT WERE YOUR FEELINGS WHEN YOU SAW THE IP(S) HOLD THEIR BABY/BABIES FOR THE FIRST TIME?
It was incredible. I felt excited for them and relieved that everything went well.
WHAT DID YOUR KID(S) AND/OR PARTNER SAY WHEN MEETING THE BABY?
My husband still hasn't had the opportunity to meet her, but both of my kids think she's adorable.
WHAT WAS ONE THING YOU WISHED YOU WOULD HAVE HAD IN YOUR HOSPITAL BAG THAT YOU FORGOT?
I brought the cord for my phone charger, but I forgot the adapter. Fortunately, my IPs brought one that they let me borrow.
WHAT WERE SOME OF THE BENEFITS OF WORKING WITH AN AGENCY?
Certain parts of the journey can be intimidating, and the agency guides all parties through the entire thing. Having someone to talk to when I had questions or issues helped quite a bit. They think of every last detail and acknowledged every milestone and upcoming event. Getting surprises in the mail was fun for me and for my kids and made me cry nearly every time. There is NO way I could have navigated this on my own.
WHAT WORDS OF WISDOM WOULD YOU SHARE WITH OTHER/NEWER GESTATIONAL CARRIERS?
1. Take the time to journal your experience so you don't forget things as they happen! You'll be happy you wrote things down.
2. Be patient when unexpected hurdles arise. It's not "if"; it's "when". All circumstances are temporary, and you have support.
3. Come to the meetups offered by the agency and take advantage of the opportunity to talk to the professionals and other surrogates. Don't be afraid to ask questions because chances are, you're not the only one wondering.
4. Take plenty of pictures during the entire journey and at the hospital. I failed to take hospital pictures and regret it!
IF YOU DECIDED TO BE A GESTATIONAL CARRIER AGAIN, WHAT WOULD BE THE REASON?
It would be for the same reasons as before, but I would also have the wonderful experience during the first surrogacy journey to motivate me!