Dear Supportive Surrogate - Are My Kids too Young to Understand Surrogacy?

Dear supportive surrogate, My kids are too young to understand surrogacy, Will they understand what’s going on?

I think you will be very surprised what your children can and cannot understand during a surrogacy journey! Now you don’t need to go tell them the all scientific wording of how babies are made through surrogacy, but make it toddler or age appropriate for them. At the time of my surrogacy journey my kids were four and one. I started explaining how we have a family and you have a little sister, and some mommies are unable to have children so they need a little help from us to create their family. We then explained that Mommy will have a baby in her tummy growing, and when that baby is ready to come out that baby will go home with their mom and dad because we are just keeping the baby warm for them until they can come out into the world.  Of course, you can explain it however you like to your children. There was not one bit of hesitation; my four year old was so excited to meet new people and help. My one year old was still in pre-toddler land, just rolling with whatever sister was doing. If sister was excited, then she was sure she should be too. 

Once my children met the intended parents for the first time, they were even more understanding then I thought they would ever be. I mean, how much can a one year old understand, I though. But she knew that these people were nice to me, and her sister likes them, so I will too.  By the time the babies were born my one year old was two and gained even more understanding. She talks about the babies all the time now. When we get pictures or texts we all stop what we are doing and just smile and talk about the babies with each other. We were not scared to hold anything back from them; we always talked to them about what was going on and made sure that they were ok.

I am very lucky that my intended parents are able to share pictures and videos with us so we can see them grow. We even are lucky enough to be close so we can visit them from time to time. 

Remember, every child learns differently and every child takes a different amount of time to comprehend things. If you respect that in your children, they will learn to do the same for you and understand the amazing thing you are doing for someone. 

As an agency we have many resources for you and your children. Even meet ups and play groups with other children going through surrogacy as well. If you want more information, click here.