Strange Questions People Ask Surrogates During Their Pregnancy
Surrogacy… it’s a word most of us have heard in passing. But it’s certainly not a concept widely understood by the mainstream population. Maybe this is what leads to some brazen and often bizarre questions asked of current or past surrogates. Here are a few of “the best.”
Q: Wow, you are pregnant with someone else’s baby! How does that work exactly? Did you have sex with the father?
Umm… NO! This one can be insulting if we let it, but honestly it is a bit humorous and a great opportunity to explain the IVF and surrogacy process. Well, that’s IF you are willing to take the time. Can’t say I would blame you if you chose to laugh it off and move on with your life!
With gestational surrogacy, an embryo is created with either the intended parent’s gametes or that of donors. The gestational carrier has no genetic relationship. Once this embryo has been created, it is then transferred into the uterus of the surrogate, in hopes that implantation will occur. No sex involved!
Q: So, you get paid a ton of money for that right? I read a story about someone who made over $100,000 doing surrogacy!
Gross! Money seems to always become a topic of interest surrounding surrogacy, normally in poor taste. But let’s dive into this one. First and foremost, NO! Surrogates are not making six figures by helping to build families. Are many compensated? Absolutely! IVF medications can be hard on the body and do not come without risk. In addition to the medications, surrogates are taking time away from their family to attend doctor’s appointments and care for the pregnancy. If you have given birth before, you understand the risk associated with pregnancy and birth. Compensation helps to cover some of those risks. It is also an exchange of energy; a woman dedicates a solid year of her time (medications, pregnancy, postpartum healing) to helping to build a family for another family. In return, she is able to help her own family and their financial future. Often, compensation is used to create a nest egg for a family home or fund a college education. How amazing is that!?
Don’t take the odd questions to heart. Educate when you feel willing and able, ignore and move on when you prefer. This journey is a beautiful one, not to muddled by the comments or feelings of others.